I have been M.I.A...

...because we moved to Dallas from Austin last week. Just before embarking on our adventure, poor Sayers fell on my mom's shoe scraper & ended up at the ER for a lacerated scrotum. I can't make it up. 6 stitches & 7 hours later...we got on the road to Dallas. I have spent the last few days organizing & settling in. Our internet just got up & running today...so, I will be posting again soon! Ciao!

Dingle berry

Well, Sayers is at it again. I heard some yelling coming from my bedroom. I looked & Sayers had a giant doo doo hanging off his shorts. WHICH...Stoley, the dog, promptly ate.

We've got new neighbors....

Their names are Lucy & Patty...and, they are CHICKENS. I thought they would be confined to their coop, but alas...I was wrong. Brown & Sayers have been feeding them cocoa puffs through the fence this morning. Brown also assured me that they could eat starbursts.

Wacky Wednesday

It's 9:13a & I have already found 2 articles in the toilet:

Sponge Bob toothbrush

Medicine dispenser

Emma & Brown have been playing dentist this morning. Some commentary I have heard from them:
Emma: "Dentist, where are your clothes?"
Brown: "I like to be a naked dentist...but, I will put my dentist clothes on so no one sees my bottom."

Emma using "dentist tools" aka. a WINE opener on her Fancy Nancy.

Tools that every GOOD dentist needs - plasticware, scissors, a wine opener, motrin & check book deposit slips.

ikea

I have a new obsession. It's called Ikea. Not only do they have cool stuff at affordable prices, BUT...you can also drop your kid off in the playland area & do some shopping. In fact, I was thinking I could host a dinner party at ikea. Drop the kids in the playland & then arrange for a dinner party in one of the dining room vignettes they have set up. OR, even better...drop them off for the day & go run errands around town, they don't have to know that I am not actually at Ikea, right? What an amazing concept!

Shortly after my last post, Sayers pooped in the yard. He then stuck a super soaker water gun in the poop & smeared it all over the garage. No pics as Ford managed to power wash it off before I had a chance to document.

Sayers is at it again...

Sayers dumped an entire box of COOKIE CRISP on the floor...

Poor Mary Frances just wanted to eat her dinner...

Getting a new camera this weekend! Better quality pictures to come!

Moo

My mom saved this cute stuffed giraffe for me from when I was little. None of the kids have taken to it until Sayers. He is OBSESSED. It just tickles me...because he thinks it is a cow. "Cow go nite nite"..."I love cow"..."Cow go in stroller"....

Only in the ATX

Emma,"Look at that NAKED MAN on the bike"....

bye bye baby

sayers: "mommy, the baby is broken!!!"

Another bath down the drain...

I was enjoying my bath this morning. No children. Of course it was too good to be true. Sayers snuck in & turned on the COLD SHOWER that quickly sent me into a cardiac arrest.

Highlights of the weekend

Happy 4th of July! I just woke up from the world's worst nap. I thought it would be a good idea to take 1/2 of a 5 Hour Energy Drink (does that make it a 2.5 hour energy drink?) at 8p last night. I was super tired from being in the sun/swimming & taking care of the kids all day. I wanted to stay up & hang out with family/friends. Serious serious air ball. I ended up being awake until 5:30a! I had to take a melatonin to go to sleep. Anyway, I took a nap after lunch...only to be interruped by Sayers who "I have poop"...and, Brown taking pictures of me "sleeping" with my with my phone. A few other highlights from the weekend:
- Sayers pooped in the pool. The pool was immediately evacuated & shocked.
- Sayers hit Mary Frances in the head with a wrench.
- Brown sprayed OFF in Sayers' eye.
- Emma told me she wanted to be JUST like Britney Spears.

Wheeler out!

I'm baaaack

I just returned from Dallas. We were there from Wednesday - today. 6 of us in a hotel room. Serious nightmare. I am too tired to even think...but, I can tell you that Mary Frances somehow ate an entire kit kat in the car on the way home...and, Brown TINKLED in the car. That's all I have today. Need sleep now.

waaaaaay back whens-day

Slang Ditty

Brown likes to shorten words and it drives me nuts. He calls Sayers, "Sayer." BUG!!!

Anyway, this morning. He kept saying, "I want to play with the HO"..."SAYER & I want to play with the HOS"...I mean, I am sure they will want to play with hos...but, he meant the HOSE/HOSES. Here's a pic of Brown nailing SAYER with the HO :)

All of this slang reminded me of this awesome website I found a few weeks ago. It's called: http://joel.net/EBONICS/Translator. You type in some text & it translates it so you can talk like a true pimp.

EX: Hey! What's up? How are you?

Ebonics Translator: Yo werd up! Wut up? How is you? Just like mammy.

In other news, we are about to drive to Dallas. I am sure I will collect some excellent material for my next blog entry(ies). Also, going to start reformatting this blog...if you have any advice/suggestions...PUUULEASE let me know! (Other than the fact that I need a new camera!!)

Yo Bye! Gots uh pimp-tight day! , Word y'all!

brown's bedtime story for mommy

once upon a time there was a little boy named brown. he was 2 &1/2. emma was 3&1/2. sayers was 0 &1/2 & my mommy was still in her mommy's tummy. but, we went to the beach & mommy was born & then she was eaten by a hammerhead shark. oh & baby mary, the teetsy fish, was too. the end.

drum roll please.....

a BIG thank you to all of those who voted on how many glasses of wine i deserve a day!! (fyi - no drinking issues here...this was all in fun!)

4% thought 3 glasses
42% thought a bottle
53% thought more than a bottle

check out my latest poll re: brown & sayers!! this one could be kind of tricky! :)

refrigerator raider

i heard a serious ruckus in the kitchen this afternoon only to find these 2...ON TOP of the refrigerator. i think emma is taking the i-want-to-be-featured-on-your-blog-deal a LITTLE too far! (she does swear brown MADE her do it)!

beauty day

brown & sayers had a beauty day. they went to air brush tan.

and, they got mani/pedis.

rise & shine

...the wild animals of the wheeler house are awake...and have been since 6a. every.single.one.of.them.
we have a rule over here...mommy & daddy are not on duty until 7a (ok, who are we kidding...let's make that 8a). we will get up & make everyone breakfast & put on a movie/or cartoons...but, then we get back in bed. you are only to call us if it is an EMERGENCY. meaning that you are bleeding from your eyes or about to lose a limb. let's review the emergencies du jour:
6:15a: brown shrieking & howling from the other room. i am just sure that mary frances must be choking. i come running in...
me: "what's the matter?!!!"...
brown: "sayers & i want to hear DIRTY BIT on the computer"....
me: "that is NOT an emergency. i will put it on...but, do NOT call me again unless something terrible is happening."

6:21a: brown yelling like a banshee. i think to myself, "sayers must have pooped on the floor again"...i come running in.
brown: "mommy, emma & i were just talking about which animals smell. do you know if chinchillas smell? what about sheep? can we get a pet chinchilla or pet sheep?"
me: "yes. now leave me alone...i am going back to bed!!"

6:37a: brown FREAKING OUT. he probably wants DIRTY BIT on repeat or he has decided he wants a pet lemur. but, i run in anyway...
brown: "mommy! guess what?"
me: "urrghhh what?"
brown" "mary frances thinks it is SO funny when i LICK her feet!"....

i need a nap.

muzzle

little emma has been dying for me to do an entry on her! she just came in my room looking like this...and, asked, "would THIS be funny for your blog?"...

i am tired. it was a long afternoon. brown cut the whiskers off of emma's stuffed cat. not to worry, we were able to super glue them back on.
we had dinner at santa rita...where sayers tried to get in the water fountain.

and last...but, certainly not least...no day would be complete without...

LIP SMACKER LIP GLOSS in the potty...complete with tinkle!!

needs twitter/blog/tweetdeck 101!! help!!

i just love when my dog crop dusts me

cockadoodledoo

brown just ran in the den & jumped on the table & said, "look at my chicken tail"...(that would be toilet paper)

seriously??

ford & i have been cooking dinner. i just took a second to actually LOOK AT HIM...and, this is what he is wearing?!! i really do live on a funny farm. these plastic glasses came in a party favor from a bday party today.

easy like sunday morning

lionel richie & the commodores obviously didn't have the wheeler house in mind when writing the song "easy" (like a sunday morning). nothing easy going on over here. it's not even 9a...and, here's what i have been dealing with:
6:45a - brown wakes me up with an electric wine opener & an empty bottle of wine. he wants to know how to use the opener & then screams/cries for an hour because the already opened bottle of wine cannot be opened with the opener.
8:30a - mary frances is crying in her bed. i go to check on her. brown is feeding her GUMBALLS.
8:45a - sayers is screaming from his room. i find him, naked & stranded on the top bunk trying to touch the ceiling fan.
8:50a - brown is fist pumping emma's itty bitty baby american doll against the window in our dining room.

calgon...take me away!!!!

things i find in my toilet - take 2!

things i find in my toilet - take 2!

holy smokes

it looks like the teetsy fly is smoking!! but, it's really just a q-tip!

slumber

saturday morning slumber party

only in austin

this car is COVERED in doll heads. creepy.

happy hour

brownie & i took some pics of each other making funny faces. check it.

my poor little caged animal...

my very own franken-brown

something is so wrong...

with this scenario...

brown colored all over sayers with brown marker
then...

sayers pooped on the floor AGAIN...3rd time this week.
and, finally...

stoley ate it. i need a margarita.

a little hanky panky action

brown sporting my hanky pankys...

way back whens-day

so, i have decided to bring back an old "sport". call me immature or juvenile...but, i just get such a thrill out of rolling (wrapping/tp'ing) houses. i went rolling two nights last week & haven't had so much fun in such a long time. lucky for me, most of my targets of attack don't have facebook or don't read blogs...so...shhh...don't tell! here's a picture of some of my latest work...this was only the 1st or 2nd house...so, it's not my (our) best...but, you get the picture. the best part is that these friends tried to put the blame on someone else!! but, i eventually came clean!

lunch anyone?

welp, he did it again. and, this time...i decided to SHARE the pic. sayers pooped on the kitchen floor. yep, he is pointing to his log. and, please notice the 2 left/different shoes.

and, this is why i don't have time to shave my legs...

you probably can't tell from this picture...but, my leg hairs are each... like 1 inch long.

and this is why....

i have to supervise naked baby wrestling

i have to referee tinkle diaper tag. that's right. brown & sayers were humming these wet/tinkle diapers at each other this morning.

and, i have to figure out where all of these clothes go once brown disrobes

and, all before 11a!! hopefully i will get these legs shaved before i start looking like a hairy ape.

on another note, sayersie did a little crowd control this morning to his new favorite song, "party rock" by LMFAO...

could this car look anymore dysfunctional? mf looks like she is sitting in a carseat made out of popsicle sticks, sayers = no seat belt??!!! and, brown...i think he is wearing sunglasses & probably playing car games with the car behind us. i am not proud of this (the fact that they are taking their seatbelts off...because it just means another trip back to the cemetery to show them where children who don't wear seatbelts go)...NOR do i think it is funny...but, it's my life!!! a crazy clown car!!!!