playdate gone bad

This will be short & sweet. I took Sayers to a friend's house for dinner last night. He dumped an entire carton of blue playdough into their fish bowl...causing the fish to go into cardiac arrest. And, chased their guinea pigs around their cage with their purple igloo house. That is all. Ciao for now!

Wicked Wednesdays

My Wednesdays are so great. I don't have any children from 9a - 2:30p. It's heaven. At 8a this morning I was already ready to get the 3 younger kids to school. We did our usual drive thru chick-fila where mommy gets her coke (sometimes MF gets her own, as well). I get my coke & pay. As I am about to drive off...Sayers yells at the guy at the window, "HEY I AM SEXY AND I KNOW IT"..........I just kind of laugh & drive off. We get to school. I am getting everyone out & I hear Sayers tell another mom, "Mary Frances is a BIMBO"...............I MEAN, REALLY??!!! Where does this kid come up with this stuff.

tik tok the EWHEELS version...

wake up in the morning feeling like p diddy (literally...because i used self tanner without gloves...so, i have black palms)
grab my glasses, hit the floor & smell a big sh*tty
before i get the wipes, brush my teeth with a bottle o' wine
'cause after a day in the life of me...i'd rather do time.

emma's doin' pedis on the boys toes toes
mommy would love some new clothes clothes
pottys' full of cell phones phones
drop-topping, eating our favorit, rice crispys
cleaning the sinks & potties
it's time for a mommy & me dance party

screwdrivers, toothbrushes & toys in the pot pot
sayers has another case of the trots trots
my husband is drinking beer & doing the robot bot
tick tock on the clock
but the mommy don't stop

mf ain't got a care in the world,
she's got plenty of cookies
got no money in my pocket, but at least i'm not snookie
and now, the kids are lining up cuz they hear mommy has swagger
gauge my eye balls out if i hear "i've got the moves like jagger"

kiddos all over the scene scene
sure they're goin poop or pee pee
i'm starting to feel a little bit BITCHY....

screwdrivers, toothbrushes & toys in the pot pot
sayers has another case of the trots trots
my husband is drinking beer & doing the roooobot bot
tick tock on the clock
but the mommy don't stop

i'm talking all of my kids want to eat junk junk
would anyone notice if i was locked in the trunk trunk?
wow...the smell...is that sayers or a skunk skunk?

Aint' got a care in the world, but I got plenty of fears
I'm lookin 'round the house, seems like nobody's here
I wander to the kitchen to get a glass of SB (sauvy blanc)
And I open up the fridge to a cup full of doodie

screwdrivers, toothbrushes & toys in the pot pot
sayers has another case of the trots trots
my husband is drinking beer & doing the roooobot bot
tick tock on the clock
but the mommy don't stop

i'm talking doo doo in his pants pants
lots of poo poo in the plants plants
i deserve a vaca to france......... france

This week's Top 5 things...

That suck:
5 - picking up soggy cheetos off wet bathroom tile
4 - underwear caked in doo doo
3 - picking up wet tampons that were used at rocket ships
2 - HAIR on anything other than one's body
1 - president's day = school holiday

That rock:
hmm....can't think of any

first post of 2012

It's been a LONG time since I have blogged. But, in the words of AC/DC " I am BACK IN BLAAAACK!" Everyone at our house has a name for their bottom. Emma - Stop talking about my bottom - bottom, Brown - Hamburger buns bottom, Sayers -Sloppy Joe bottom (oh so fitting), Mary Frances - Pink Piglet Bottom. I need to figure out a pole to name my bottom & Ford's. Will work on that next....I am sure it will have something to do with my "bottom leaves"...
On another note, all of the kids are in bed with Ford right now. I have heard the following,
Ford: - "Brown, stop trying to touch my weiner. Football players DO NOT touch other people's weiners."
Sayers - (bawling hysterically): "Mommy, Mary stuck a screwdriver in my eye."
Ford - "Are y'all gonna let Mary Frances date anyone?"
Sayers - "Where are my balls?"
I promise to be a better blogger!!! I am trying to get ELLEN DEGENERES to follow me!!!!!

I have been M.I.A...

...because we moved to Dallas from Austin last week. Just before embarking on our adventure, poor Sayers fell on my mom's shoe scraper & ended up at the ER for a lacerated scrotum. I can't make it up. 6 stitches & 7 hours later...we got on the road to Dallas. I have spent the last few days organizing & settling in. Our internet just got up & running today...so, I will be posting again soon! Ciao!

Dingle berry

Well, Sayers is at it again. I heard some yelling coming from my bedroom. I looked & Sayers had a giant doo doo hanging off his shorts. WHICH...Stoley, the dog, promptly ate.

We've got new neighbors....

Their names are Lucy & Patty...and, they are CHICKENS. I thought they would be confined to their coop, but alas...I was wrong. Brown & Sayers have been feeding them cocoa puffs through the fence this morning. Brown also assured me that they could eat starbursts.

Wacky Wednesday

It's 9:13a & I have already found 2 articles in the toilet:

Sponge Bob toothbrush

Medicine dispenser

Emma & Brown have been playing dentist this morning. Some commentary I have heard from them:
Emma: "Dentist, where are your clothes?"
Brown: "I like to be a naked dentist...but, I will put my dentist clothes on so no one sees my bottom."

Emma using "dentist tools" aka. a WINE opener on her Fancy Nancy.

Tools that every GOOD dentist needs - plasticware, scissors, a wine opener, motrin & check book deposit slips.

ikea

I have a new obsession. It's called Ikea. Not only do they have cool stuff at affordable prices, BUT...you can also drop your kid off in the playland area & do some shopping. In fact, I was thinking I could host a dinner party at ikea. Drop the kids in the playland & then arrange for a dinner party in one of the dining room vignettes they have set up. OR, even better...drop them off for the day & go run errands around town, they don't have to know that I am not actually at Ikea, right? What an amazing concept!

Shortly after my last post, Sayers pooped in the yard. He then stuck a super soaker water gun in the poop & smeared it all over the garage. No pics as Ford managed to power wash it off before I had a chance to document.

Sayers is at it again...

Sayers dumped an entire box of COOKIE CRISP on the floor...

Poor Mary Frances just wanted to eat her dinner...

Getting a new camera this weekend! Better quality pictures to come!

Moo

My mom saved this cute stuffed giraffe for me from when I was little. None of the kids have taken to it until Sayers. He is OBSESSED. It just tickles me...because he thinks it is a cow. "Cow go nite nite"..."I love cow"..."Cow go in stroller"....

Only in the ATX

Emma,"Look at that NAKED MAN on the bike"....

bye bye baby

sayers: "mommy, the baby is broken!!!"

Another bath down the drain...

I was enjoying my bath this morning. No children. Of course it was too good to be true. Sayers snuck in & turned on the COLD SHOWER that quickly sent me into a cardiac arrest.

Highlights of the weekend

Happy 4th of July! I just woke up from the world's worst nap. I thought it would be a good idea to take 1/2 of a 5 Hour Energy Drink (does that make it a 2.5 hour energy drink?) at 8p last night. I was super tired from being in the sun/swimming & taking care of the kids all day. I wanted to stay up & hang out with family/friends. Serious serious air ball. I ended up being awake until 5:30a! I had to take a melatonin to go to sleep. Anyway, I took a nap after lunch...only to be interruped by Sayers who "I have poop"...and, Brown taking pictures of me "sleeping" with my with my phone. A few other highlights from the weekend:
- Sayers pooped in the pool. The pool was immediately evacuated & shocked.
- Sayers hit Mary Frances in the head with a wrench.
- Brown sprayed OFF in Sayers' eye.
- Emma told me she wanted to be JUST like Britney Spears.

Wheeler out!

I'm baaaack

I just returned from Dallas. We were there from Wednesday - today. 6 of us in a hotel room. Serious nightmare. I am too tired to even think...but, I can tell you that Mary Frances somehow ate an entire kit kat in the car on the way home...and, Brown TINKLED in the car. That's all I have today. Need sleep now.

waaaaaay back whens-day

Slang Ditty

Brown likes to shorten words and it drives me nuts. He calls Sayers, "Sayer." BUG!!!

Anyway, this morning. He kept saying, "I want to play with the HO"..."SAYER & I want to play with the HOS"...I mean, I am sure they will want to play with hos...but, he meant the HOSE/HOSES. Here's a pic of Brown nailing SAYER with the HO :)

All of this slang reminded me of this awesome website I found a few weeks ago. It's called: http://joel.net/EBONICS/Translator. You type in some text & it translates it so you can talk like a true pimp.

EX: Hey! What's up? How are you?

Ebonics Translator: Yo werd up! Wut up? How is you? Just like mammy.

In other news, we are about to drive to Dallas. I am sure I will collect some excellent material for my next blog entry(ies). Also, going to start reformatting this blog...if you have any advice/suggestions...PUUULEASE let me know! (Other than the fact that I need a new camera!!)

Yo Bye! Gots uh pimp-tight day! , Word y'all!